Friends & Sociopaths

I hate the phrase “It’s just business”.

I’ve been a “businessman” for about a decade after leaving the Navy. On more than one occasion, I’ve had someone tell me that hated phrase, usually in justification of some pretty trash behavior.

It ruins my day. Often my whole week.

It completely cuts under my estimation of the person, but it also damages my estimation of humanity itself. Maybe I shouldn’t be such a tenderhearted fool, but I just can’t stomach behavior that anywhere else would be seen as antisocial.

It is particularly jarring to see in the spaces that I work– climate and startups. I’ve heard a non-profit that is working on “building collaboration” quietly kneecap an organization when no one is watching. I’ve seen venture capitalists brag about how they invest in great founders, then watch them pass on great founders while known scoundrels (ahem, Adam Neumann) receive absurd funding levels.

I’ve grown more compassionate about how much of this is driven by systemic issues. VCs often mean well, but they must chase the 0.1% of companies that will drive a portfolio to the success that their investors require, and that drives them to quick and frequently shallow analysis. Non-profits have to compete heavily for gift dollars and that drives them to view the world as zero-sum.

Everyone has their pressures. I try to appreciate the sources of their behavior even though they’re acting poorly. But I have also seen what the consequences are of this behavior.

It breaks people.

The number of people I have met in startups and venture with trust issues, depression, and problems with relationships is significant. It’s because dealing with cold-eyed transactionalists feels functionally the same as working with sociopaths.

Even the winners in these races come out with scars that last. They often search for meaning even though they’ve won.

I’ve been pretty deliberate about building a company with meaning from the jump, which means I have chosen to do business not only on the typical startup “hard mode”, but potentially in “ultra-hard mode”. The videogame Doom would call describe it as “nightmare” mode.

It isn’t a nightmare, though. It’s a filter.

Unintentionally, it helps me to find people that are genuine. The people that make the effort for decency when the pressures are towards callousness. In short, it helps me find the people in business that are my friends.

So, in appreciation of a few people in my business life that look out for me and whom I try to look out for, let me sing their praises!

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William Loopesko: My co-founder at Aclymate and I have known each other for the duration of our entrepreneurial journeys, starting at previous companies and joining together since. I’ve watched him grow. I hope he can say the same for me. But I know when I fall short, he’s got my back.

Elizabeth Wimbush: We were introduced when she was new to her role running sustainability for PPAI, so the safe career choice would have been to highlight someone more established in sustainability and promotional products than me. But she took a chance, and she kept bringing me to the dance. I feel personally committed that she never regrets that.

Tom Permatteo: At his previous company, Tom led a team that needed a carbon accounting tool, found Aclymate on the internet, and gave us a try. We were good but had rough edges. Tom apparently saw something in us. So even though he’s now onto other things, we still meet regularly. I trust him with big secrets and his advice on much. I’ve even had his daughter over for dinner when she moved to Denver.

Jeff Binder: The term “angel investor” has been corrupted over the years to often look like relatively small-dollar investor who wants to act like a VC. Jeff, to me, is an actual angel. When Aclymate was about shutdown, he took a chance on me. Everything that Aclymate has experienced since then isa consequence. “Angel” groups and VCs will sometimes refer to people like Jeff as participating in a “Friends, Families, & Fools” round, but Jeff and Aclymate’s other investors are doing what VCs claim but are mostly afraid to do– investing in the founder. If there’s one chip I carry towards VCs, it’s to show them that they’re the fools for passing on us and that Jeff was a friend who didn’t and got it right.

Lauren Sinreich: When Aclymate was going through Techstars, participants were given professional coaches. Lauren was mine. She’s seen me through some dark periods, both professionally and personally. And she's helped me to modify how I think and interact with people throughout my life. That makes her a great coach. But what makes her a friend is that she understands who I am as a human, she cares for my well-being, and that we occasionally meet up for no other reason than to have a beer or listen to some music.

Tem Tumurbat: My favorite VC has never invested in Aclymate – we’re not in his theme – but he’s been a friend on a similar journey. I believe in what he’s doing and he believes in what I’m doing… so much so that he tries to find some overlap in our work and his! Our kids went to school together, we’ve had our families to our houses, and I love learning more about the culture of his native land – Mongolia.

Aaron Schram: The indispensable advisor that always understood our journey at every step. He knew when to be anear to listen, when to put pressure on us to get it together, and when we needed to keep an eye for the jackals. He did this for a very long time without formal agreement because, once again, he believed in us. I’ve come to know his family, visit his home, and try to be the friend to him that he has been to us. Frankly, I’m in his debt.

I love these people. I want them to find happiness and joy .And I want them to be proud of being my friend. I won’t let them down.

Because business, like education, religion, sports, and government, is just one more way that humans organize themselves. I won’t excuse behavior that is antisocial. And you shouldn’t either.

Put another way: Life is too short work with assholes. Or to be one.

So don’t. And make some friends.